


I will think of you

by a_loser_s_noodles



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Banished Zuko (Avatar), Blood and Injury, Bloodbending (Avatar), F/M, Mai wants to say goodbye, Minor traumatised Azula, Slight AU where Iroh knows Hama and she is a healer, description of burn injuries, post agni kai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:40:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27347524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_loser_s_noodles/pseuds/a_loser_s_noodles
Summary: Mai had to watch the Fire Lord burn Zuko's face. Now she tries to find him before he leaves the Fire Nation capital.
Relationships: Azula & Mai & Ty Lee, Mai/Zuko (Avatar)
Kudos: 28





	I will think of you

It had been so sudden. A blinding flash of orange light followed by the low growl of fire, and a piercing scream, the ghost of which was still stuck in Mai’s ears. She had not been able to look away, her eyes had stayed glued to Zuko’s pale, so fragile-looking body, its top drowned in heavy dark smoke, as it fell to the ground with a thud. General Iroh had sprung out of his seat and run to the ring, screaming the prince’s name. Azula had a smile on her face, but Mai noticed her hands were shaking and her breathing was irregular. Still, when Ozai turned his eyes to her, she proudly held his gaze, keeping her unbothered mask impeccable as always.

When in an upsetting situation, Mai's body just froze, and it felt as if everything left her, like she was an outside observer with only a vague memory of her own emotions. As she stared at the dozen panicked men calling for a doctor to come help the prince –she noticed Iroh’s hand were covered in blood–, she was very aware that her lips were quivering and her vision getting blurred, but she stayed still and impassive nonetheless.

“Mai, are you crying?”, Azula asked, with a surprisingly gentle tone.

“Maybe.

\- No wonder!” Ty Lee exclaimed in a strangled shriek, somewhat muffled by her hands pressed to her face. “That was heartless! He had forfeited!

\- Only a loser forfeits. It’s unworthy of a prince. Father did the right thing.”

Ty Lee made herself really small in her seat, murmuring a confused apology for her disrespect. Mai ignored her and turned her face to look Azula right in the eye.

“What’s gonna happen to him now?

\- To dear Zuzu? Either a life prison sentence or banishment. I think if my father had intended to have him dead we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Probably banishment too, the prisons are too full. Oh, well. It’s a shame, he was getting somewhat decent at firebending.”

Mai took a deep breath, focusing on maintaining her face stoic.

“Thank you, Azula. Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

She raised from her seat and headed towards the exit. Ty Lee opened her mouth to say something, but Azula pressed a finger to her lips, urging her to stay quiet.

“Let her go. Goodbye, Mai.”

Mai didn’t bother to respond.

Her parents caught up to her outside the arena. She rolled her eyes, more unwilling than ever to even see their faces.

“What? I’m fine.

\- Mai dear, what an awful thing to happen to that sweet boy! My my, refusing to fight... truly a sorry decision.

\- It is a shame”, her father grumbled. “Now that Zuko’s dishonoured, we have to find a new suitor for Mai, and I doubt there’ll be any match half as advantageous... Anyway, it’s not like she’d still want to marry him now that that pretty face’s gone, is it?

\- Please, can we stop talking about this and go home already? I don’t think there’s anything left to see here, and the air stinks.”

She stayed silent throughout the trip back. She didn’t even move when her name was called.

_She’s sitting with her back to the royal gardens' fountain, reading one of Ty Lee’s romance novels. She’d never admit it –Ty Lee herself doesn’t know she borrowed it– but she’s actually enjoying it. The lead’s mother gives her a lot of advice on how to deal with teen feelings. She likes that._

_She hears some footsteps on the grass. It’s Zuko, he’s coming towards her and he looks moodier than usual._

_“Hey.” Mai casually says, waiting to gauge his response._

_“Hey. Can I sit here?_

_\- Sure you can, it’s your garden._

_\- Thanks.”_

_He sits cross-legged on the grass, and nervously plays with the fabric of his robe, like he’s intensely thinking something over. Mai sighs and puts down her scroll._

_“Just get to the point, what do you want to say?_

_\- It’s... it’s a weird question..._

_\- Whatever. Don’t flatter yourself, you’re not as weird as you think you are.”_

_He chuckles._

_“You’re funny. So, uh... are you my friend? Or are you Azula’s?”_

_She raises an eyebrow in confusion._

_“What do you mean? You think I can’t be both?_

_\- No, no, you can! Totally! I just... I wonder if you’re my friend.”_

_He keeps his eyes down, avoiding her gaze. His lips shake as he painfully articulates._

_“I’ve been having... nightmares, lately. Where I die and nobody cares I’m gone. Father and Azula just keep going as usual. I’ve been having them a lot, and I’m scared.”_

_He sniffles and rubs his eyes with the back of his hand._

_“I’ve thought about that, often, and... well, I don’t think my father or my sister would care if I disappeared. My uncle probably would, but he cares about everyone. Same for Ty Lee, she’s nice and friendly with everybody but I don’t know if she_ likes _me, y’know? So, uh...”_

_He takes a deep breath, looking for the best way to word his thoughts._

_“I think you might be my only friend. My only friend in the world, actually.”_

_He chuckles, and this time he lets the tears flow freely._

_“Please, don’t laugh at me, this is so embarrassing..._

_\- I’m not gonna laugh at you.”_

_He finally turns to look at her. She puts all her effort into giving him the most earnest and kind look._

_"I do care about you. I’m your friend, and you’re my friend. I spend more time with Azula because our parents always put us together and we're in the same class, it doesn’t mean I don’t like you on your own. To tell you the truth... I’d miss you a lot if you weren’t here. You’re the only one that doesn’t feel like they’re lying all the time. Without you, everything would be so boring...”_

_He gives her the purest, most relieved smile she’s ever seen, even though he’s still crying. He leaps to her and squeezes her into a tight hug._

_“Woah there, you’re cute and all but I’m not a hugger... please let go._

_\- Oh, right. Uh, sorry. Thanks. Your answer means a lot.”_

_Zuko backs off, but instead of moving on with the conversation or leaving outright he stays in place, his brow furrowed in deep thought. Finally, he makes his decision, and leans over to timidly kiss her on the cheek._

_“Thank you, Mai.”_

_His face is almost as red as that time Azula dared him to stuff it with fire flakes. To be frank, she expects hers to be just as bad. They awkwardly stare at each other, not really knowing who should make the first move. Finally, Mai breaks the silence._

_“So, uh, should I kiss you back?_

_\- Uh, yeah! Please! I mean, unless you don’t want to... It’s okay, I’m sorr-“_

_He’s cut off by Mai grabbing his face and leaving a gentle kiss on his lips. She’s surprised at how soft they are. This feels a lot nicer than she expected._

_She’s wanted to kiss Zuko since she was little, but she'd always wondered if it was genuine, or just her feeling obligated to have a crush on the boy her father always talked about her marrying one day. Now, nothing could be further from her mind than her father's opinion. Her head is full of Zuko, she wants to hold him close to her and never let him go._

_He’s got the same wide smile as before on his face, but now his eyes are sparkling. She can’t help but giggle._

_“You look silly._

_\- Who cares?”_

_Before he has time to continue, a voice calls him inside from the palace. He frowns in frustration. He takes Mai’s hand and softly kisses her knuckles._

_“Bye. You mean a lot to me, Mai.”_

_She leans back against the fountain, feeling something warm and light in her stomach. She closes her eyes and takes in the sunlight falling on her face._

_“You mean a lot to me, Mai.”_

_She opens her eyes, and Zuko is staring down at her. Half his face is missing –the half his father applied a hand to before shooting fire through it. It’s just a dark hole in his skull. Blood drips from it._

_She looks at her hands. There’s blood on them too, her gloves are soaked._

_“You mean a lot to me. I thought it was mutual, but you just watched and did nothing.”_

_She tries to speak to him, but her voice is stuck in her throat. She tries screaming but can make no sound. He lifts his hand up to touch her face. She shakes her head, feeling something bad will happen if he does. He ignores her._

_“I guess you really don’t care about me after all... You don’t care about anyone, do you?”_

_The touch of his hand is burning hot. Mai hears her flesh whistling as it melts into smoke and fills her lung with the unforgettable smell. She's finally able to scream._

She suddenly woke up, flinging her arms at the place where Zuko just stood. Her hand hit the bed frame, and she let out a grunt of pain.

So she was the one getting the nightmares now... Fantastic.

A servant hesitantly entered her bedroom.

“Miss Mai? Are you hurt?

\- I’m fine. What time is it?

\- It’s a few hours past sunset. You fell asleep in the palanquin and your parents had you transported to your room. Would you like me to get dinner for you?”

A few hours? She hadn’t expected to lose this much time. Zuko would be gone from the capital by sunrise.

“No, I’ll be alright. I’ll go back to sleep. You’re dismissed.”

The servant shut the door behind her. As soon as she was alone, Mai quietly got dressed, shove a few knives up her sleeve and draped herself in a heavy hooded cape. Then she jumped out her window and onto the neighbouring rooftops.

It was not the first time she’d snuck out. Ty Lee often invited her to illegal fighting rings. They smelled like cheap liquor and were unbearably noisy but at least it was a good distraction and an opportunity to practice her fighting skills.

The royal palace was in front of her house, but she could see neither Iroh nor Zuko’s chambers were lit. This was strange, they should have been packing. Or at least Iroh should have. She had no idea what condition Zuko was in.

Was he even still alive? The thought suddenly downed on her. The way his limp body had fallen... The puff of smoke... Could he not have survived the injuries?

She shook off the thought. Wasting time was not an option right now. If he was dead, she’d find out soon enough.

After some time searching, she noticed a mongoose lizard was missing from the royal stable. Drops of recently-dried blood formed a trail.

It was surprisingly long, going outside the capital and into the forest on the volcano’s flank. The full moon somewhat lit the path, and Mai silently thanked it at least three times. She kept going deeper into the woods. She often panicked, certain she was following the wrong track or lost, but she always found another drop next to the distinct print of hooves on the malleable earth.

Finally, she saw some fire-light. She resisted the urge to run, and it was the correct move, as she soon realised the fire was inside a gigantic hole in the ground. It looked cut out of solidified magma, so neatly it could only have been done by earthbenders. Inside the hole was a small hut, abandoned for a few decades by the look of it, that the earthbenders had visibly excavated from the damages of an old eruption. The light came from inside of the hut, and there was a mongoose lizard tied to a wooden stake dug into the ground next to the door.

That mongoose lizard was going to be a problem. Whoever was in there would hear it screech if she made a move to approach the hut. If it was not Iroh and Zuko, worse yet if the earthbenders were in there, she doubted she would make it out alive. Even if she escaped, she would probably get lost and starve in the woods.

She contemplated going back. Simply leaving it at that and not taking the risk.

_“My only friend in the world, actually.”_

She arrived at the door breathless from running, and knocked at about the same time the mongoose lizard started screaming.

“I’m a friend of Zuko’s! Let me see him!”

Footsteps came to the door, and it opened creaking. It was an old woman with long, dirty white hair poorly kept together in a bun at the back of her head. She was wearing filthy, ragged clothes. Mai let out a disappointed grunt, but she would be alright. She could take that woman, no problem.

Then, suddenly, her whole body fell asleep. She could still see and hear everything, but it was as if her limbs had been severed from her body, and now acted on their own. Mechanically, her arms twisted upwards, her hands closed in on her throat and started mercilessly squeezing, digging bloody half-circles into the tender skin. She could do nothing but try to yell in fear, even if her voice and breath were being pressed to stay inside her lungs.

She was going to die here. Colourful dots were flashing before her eyes and there was a strange ringing in her ears. It was mixed with Zuko’s never-ending scream.

“That’s enough, Hama!”

The voice was General Iroh’s. Just as brutally as they’d been taken from her, her limbs came back under her control. Mai let go of her bruised neck, and fell to her knees, coughing and struggling to breathe in.

She felt the weight of Iroh’s hand on her shoulder. Through a veil of tears, she could see his grief-stricken face, in which worry had carved even more wrinkles than usual. A weight sunk in her gut.

“Is he... is Zuko dead?

\- What? No, no, he’ll be alright. Hama here is an excellent healer, and as you can see it is the full moon. She will make sure he makes it out of this. It’s just... this is bringing back some painful memories.”

Mai couldn’t think of what to say, so she just laid her hand on top of Iroh’s and gently squeezed it. He gave her a very tender look, and helped her get up to come inside.

As she had thought, the hut had not been used in a long time. The floor and the remaining shards of furniture were covered in a heavy coat of dust. There was only a pelt laid on the floor, with Zuko’s unconscious body on it, and Hama crouching over him, bending some faintly-glowing water on the burnt side of his face.

“You’re a waterbender...”, Mai whispered in astonishment. “So what happened back there... it was my blood you were bending! I’ve always wondered if waterbenders could do that.

\- Not all of us can.” The woman answered, not even lifting her chin up.

Mai stared at Zuko’s face, the same sweet face she had held in her hands only a few days ago. It had the peaceful expression of deep sleep, but the burn had twisted the flesh into strange circular patterns, with dried skin peeling in curls to the side of the wound, and exposed pink tissue. Mai could tell Hama was focusing particularly on the prince’s left eye.

“Is he gonna heal from this?

\- He is.” Iroh answered. “Hama says she can save his eye and prevent brain damage. The only thing she cannot help is that there will be quite the noticeable scar.

\- The burn was too deep.” Hama answered simply.

Mai looked at her in silence for a few minutes. She could tell now, in the light of Iroh’s firebending, that she was not Fire Nation. Her dark skin and thick hair were distinctly Southern Water Tribe.

“What’s a waterbender doing in the Fire Nation capital?”

Hama chuckled.

“You ask a lot of questions for someone who just escaped death.

\- Hama, please. Let me answer. A few months back, I met Hama while she was living as a thief in a small Fire Nation town. She tried to ambush me and we ended up talking. She does not have a passport, I agreed to secure her an inn in Fire Nation territory and to give her all the necessary documentation. In exchange for a favour, which I’m requesting now.

\- An inn in the Fire Nation?” Mai raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you wanna go back to the Water Tribe? What would you do with an inn here?”

Hama’s held Mai's gaze while her creaked lips opened up in a smile.

“Get revenge on your people.”

Iroh shook his head at Mai when she opened her mouth to question further.

They stood in silence for a good ten minutes. Zuko was impossibly still, with only the shadows cast by Hama’s water rustling across his face.

“Can you wake him up? I came here to say goodbye.”

Iroh sighed.

“Child, I’m afraid not. We tried to but he would just kick and scream. He’s in a lot of pain, and not all of it can be cured by Hama. I think it would be better if he only woke up when we’re well on our way out of the Fire Nation.

\- So you’re leaving with him? Are you banished too?

\- Non, no... But I don’t believe there’s anything left for me to do here. My brother would probably be glad to see me gone, and Zuko will need all the support he can get.”

Mai felt tears swelling in her throat again, and quickly swallowed her saliva to keep them hidden.

“I’ll miss him.

\- I’m sure he’ll miss you too.

\- General Iroh... do you have ink and paper I could borrow? If I can’t say goodbye, I might as well write a letter.”

Iroh went through his bags, but could only find an old scroll with ideas for tea recipes scribbled all over it. Mai shrugged and took to the back of the parchment, thinking of what to write. She was bad with words, and had hoped she could simply squeeze Zuko’s hands and tell him to take care until they saw each other again. If they ever did.

After some time, she carefully traced with Iroh’s brush:

_Wherever you are,_

_Know you’ll always have a friend here._

_Your journey will be long._

_When you are too lonely_

_Think of me near the fountain._

_I will go there every day._

_I will think of you._

_Mai._

“There.” She said, softly blowing over the ink to make it dry quicker. “Give him this letter, and tell him to destroy it as soon as he’s done reading it. If someone finds it I could be accused of plotting against the Fire Lord. I’ll go back to the capital now.

\- Take our mongoose lizard, it knows the way back to the palace. We will be taking a ship, it will not be needed at sea.”

Mai nodded. Before leaving, she knelt by Zuko’s side and left a light kiss on his forehead. She had hoped for even the smallest response from him, but he did not bulge.

Tears flowed down her cheeks all the way back to the capital.


End file.
